You’ve all been giving our funny bone a workout, and we have now chosen the finalists. The voting is now open so everyone can vote for their favourite! Read on to see who made the cut.
|1||Man: Nina, are you tower?
Woman: LMAO. Yes. Why?
Man: Because Eiffel for you.
|2||Teacher: Anyone who thinks they are stupid may stand up!
*Nobody stands up*
Teacher: I’m sure there are some students over here!
*Little Johnny stands up*
Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you’re stupid?
Little Johnny: No…I just feel bad that you’re standing alone.
|3||Late at night, a wife’s smartphone beeps. Her husband checks her phone and gets angry. He awakens his wife.
Husband: “Who is this person calling you beautiful?!”
Surprised, the wife checks her mobile.
Wife: Hey, use your glasses! It’s not beautiful–it’s battery full!”
|4||A climber fell off a cliff, and as he tumbled down, he caught hold of a small branch.
“Help! Is anybody up there?” he shouted.
A majestic voice boomed through the gorge: “I will help you, my son, but first you must have faith in me.”
“Yes, yes, I trust you!” cried the man.
“Let go of the branch, my child,” boomed the voice.
There was a long pause…and the man shouted up again, “Is there anybody else up there?”
|5||Joe went to an auction and bid on a parrot.
Joe: I’ll bid $500 on the parrot!
Another bidder: $700!
Joe, not wanting to be outbid, kept bidding on the bird, going back and forth with the other bidder until, finally, he won the auction at $1500.
Joe approached the auctioneer to claim his prize.
Joe: I sure hope for this much money that this parrot can talk?
Auctioneer: Why, of course he can. Who do you think was bidding against you?
|6||A man walks into a bar and says, “Give me a beer before the problems start.”
He drinks the beer and then orders another, saying, “Give me a beer before the problems start!”
The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer, the bartender is totally confused and asks the man, “When are you going to pay for these beers?”
The man answers, “Now the problems start!”
|7||What do you call free labour?What?Palringo “volunteers”!|
|8||A man walks into a 24-hour dental surgery one night.
The dentists asks, “What seems to be the problem?”
The man says, “I think I’m a moth!”
The dentist says, “You don’t need a dentists–you need a psychiastrist!”
The man cries, “I know!”
The dentist asks, “Why did you come in here then?”
The man replies, “The light was on.”
|9||Tom was 65 and played golf every week. He was getting really good but his eyesight was getting worse and worse.
One day, he went home sad and frustrated. He told his wife, “I love playing golf but I’m going to give it up because I keep losing the ball. I can’t see where it lands.”
Tom’s wife replied, “You love golf. Don’t give it up. Why don’t you take my older brother Alfred with you? He can watch where the ball lands for you.”
Tom replied, “But Alfred is even older than me. He’s almost 80!”
His wife said, “He may be old but he has excellent eyesight!”
So, the following weekend, Tom took Alfred golfing with him. He teed off and hit the ball really far away.
Tom turned to Alfred and asked, “Did you see where the ball landed?”
“Yes!” replied Alfred.
“Good! Where is it?” asked Tom.
Alfred replied, “I can’t remember…”
|10||A boy was standing for a few hours at a party.
He was watching the ugliest girl, who had been sitting all this time.
He approaches her and says, “Do you want to dance?”
The girl, all excited, said, “Yes!”
“So go dance,” said the boy. “Because I want to sit down.”
|11||Two soldiers were busy training, when a general asked one of them:
“Soldier Maclovio, what is the country for you?”
“For me, the motherland is ad if it were my mother, general,” said one of them.
“Very good, boy, very good,” said the general. “Soldier Cornelius, and for you, what is the country?”
Soldier Cornelius kept thing and then says, “For me, it’s like she’s my aunt, general.”
“Because Private Maclovio is my cousin.”
|12||A man is opening a new food store next to a supermarket. He sees a piece of paper on the window saying: cheese $1.50.
The man goes inside and puts a sign there: cheese $1.30.
Next morning, he walks to his store and notices a sign in the supermarket’s window: cheese $0.99.
He goes inside again and he puts: cheese $0.79.
Next morning, the manager of the supermarket replaces his sign: cheese $0.69. So, the man goes inside against–cheese $0.49.
The manager of the supermarket angrily approaches him and yells: What is this all about?
The man answers: I don’t know what you’re doing but I don’t sell cheese.
|13||Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
|14||Girl: Officer, I have a problem. 49 people are following me!
Officer: Where are you, m’am?
Thanks once again to all the groups and users that have taken part! Everyone had a good laugh reading your jokes.
You have until July 15 to choose your best joke. On the form, choose the number that corresponds to the joke on the Blog. I.e. If you like joke 1 on the blog, you’d pick “1” on the form.
Once all the votes are in, we will post the winners on July 17. The winning Group and User will get 1000 Credits! You’ll also have your joke, User ID, and Group posted on our social media channels.
You may also realise that now is the time to take your stand-up career more seriously.
The Palringo Team